Monday, February 11, 2008

Fear of the future

As a college student, I often sit and ponder the thought of what will I do with my life. As I said, I'm in college at the moment, and without a major. I'm only a freshman, but that doesn't make me feel any better about my "situation". I feel lost and scared. I have made three wonderful friends here at school and two of them have their minds set on what they want to do with their lives; while the other friend and myself sit back and I guess in a sense "enjoy the ride". We both talk time to time about how scary it is not knowing what we want out of life. I've contemplated several different options, non of which seem to ever pull through to my ever wandering mind. Commitment is an intimidating thing to a person who isn't as experienced as others (yes, I'll admit it.). I'm reminded that I'm still young and have plenty of time to make up my mind. I know they've been in my shoes, but as the present wearer of those shoes it isn't a comfortable situation. I've always been passionate about travelling. I've always pondered and wished that I could just travel for the rest of my life. I want to go to so many places, but travelling costs $$$...and to be quite honest, what person at my age is well equipped with $$$ for travelling? Very few, unless you're dad is Donald Trump. I've seriously considered the thought of joining the Peace Corp. However, I don't know if I could live with being away from my family and friends for two years. I've always had a dream of "going down in history"; when I was a kid I loved history, and I always wanted to be a part of it. Now that I'm older I feel that if I had the opportunity to help out others less fortunate than I, I might be able to accomplish my childhood dream and go down in my own history. I understand that I'm still young, in less than a month it'll be my birthday, and I'll be a year older and a year "wiser". However, the age I'm turning is so....boring. I guess I long for an adventure; but I guess everyone does at one point or another. I trust that God will show me my life calling with prayer and patience. I can't give up on God, he hasn't given up on me; it seems only fair. For now I think I'll sleep on the subject, because in the words of Scarlet O'Hara "...after all, tomorrow is another day."

6 comments:

Jeannelle said...

A very nice post, Rachel! You did a good job of describing your state of mind. Maybe writing it out will help somehow.

Good night!

Rachel said...

Thanks Mom!

Jen said...

I've changed my minds several times in college about what I wanted to do. :) Now I've got a year left and I'm pretty sure. I started off getting a Criminal Justice AA and a Liberal Arts AA. Now I'm getting a Psychology BS and Anthropology BS. At least those three things are kind-of...sort-of related. Well. Not really. Hah!

Jen said...

And holy goodness. I only have one mind. Not several. (Above I typed minds for some reason.)

Jeannelle said...

Oh, you changed your template. It looks nice. Ollie and Buster look good. Don't post any pics of me.....I mean it.

Rachel said...

Thanks for your feeback Jen, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I know I'm not. Thanks again! It helps!:)